by Nelson Cumminsky
So, you’ve wandered your way into the best and worst four years of your life, four years filled with stress and satisfaction, rivalries and friendships, make-ups and break-ups, and so much more. Well, here’s five tips* on how you can survive this scary, confusing, and stressful time of your life with the least amount of conflict.
When you’ve got the time, or even when you don’t, go look around the hallways. Get lost. Have some fun. That’s what high school is all about. If your teachers ask why you’re late, just tell them that you were enjoying all that North Springs can offer. They will understand completely and most likely invite you to share your travels with the rest of the class. On the off chance that they don’t, you should still tell tales of your adventures to your neighbors at a volume that most (but not all) of the class can hear. The ones who hear will be awed by your tales, and the ones who don’t will want to know all about you. Your instructor will also appreciate the sharing of stories with your friends so that they may follow in your footsteps the next class and share their own personal travels.
#4 There’s Always Time For A Snack
If you’re ever in the middle of class and you start to feel a bit peckish, just pull out a small snack. Your teacher won’t mind as long as you give them some, too (It’s not bribery if no one knows about it). Plus, you don’t even have clean up your mess. After class the teacher will see it and understand that you might not have felt like picking it up because you stayed up late the night before on your phone. So, if you ever feel famished in class, no need to fret; forget about it all for a hot minute and satisfy your hunger. Learning is less important than momentary discomfort and hunger by a longshot.
#3 Deadlines Don’t Matter
When your teacher assigns homework, don’t worry about it! They are really just suggesting it and you don’t really need to finish it at the date your teacher implied. Also, projects are no big deal. The due date that a teacher assigns is really the day after your supposed to start it. When teachers tell you not to procrastinate, but in reality they just want you to turn your project in early so they can get a jump on grading. Besides, if you turn your project or homework in late, your teacher will give you better feedback because they’ll be in the zone from grading all the other students before yours. The main point is, don’t worry about deadlines; they’re not important and no one, not even teachers, actually care if you get things done.
#2 Only Do The Things You’re Already Good At
When your teachers tell you to branch out, they’re just setting you up for failure because they enjoy watching you fail. Your teachers are really just there for their own amusement and don’t really care at all about how you do in school. So, if you come from middle school being OK in math, stick to math; don’t even try any other kinds of classes because you’ll just be wasting your time. Even if you “think” something might be “cool,” you’re wrong–really wrong. Don’t even try it. You’ll end up hating it and wanting to go back to the boring math class that you had before. If you stay with same thing, you’ll never know the difference anyway, and what’s the harm in that?
#1 Just Be Someone Else
If you think you’re cool and have it all, you’re not correct. Nobody cares who you are, what your goals are, or any of your stories that take all lunch to tell. Just go with the flow. The unique kids are the ones that constantly get picked on and can never catch a break. When you’re at lunch, just stay quiet and eat your food; it’s the easiest thing. Also, the people that do seem “cool” are all faking it and are really just weird people that somehow have been able to mask their oddness with the fake coolness that you see. So, have fun pretending to be good at sports, or really smart, or into something you couldn’t care less about. It’s better that way. Creativity is what kills society and just makes people generally unhappy. Stick to the mundane; no one in the history of the world has ever regretted it.
*None of these tips are real. Don’t follow any of them or you’ll find yourself in all kinds of trouble. In fact, do the opposite of what they say. You are all amazing people who are beautiful in your own way. Work hard, set goals, and don’t forget to have a little fun — everything else will fall into place. Welcome to high school and to the next four years of your life. Make the most of it.